My cousin G who didn’t attend (didn’t choose to attend is how I see it) Sindhu’s engagement calls and we have this conversation
G: ” I hear the function went off very well?”
Me: ” Yes, it did, it was good”
G: ” Why can’t you say it wasn’t perfect because I wasn’t there?”
Me (now slightly keyed up) : ” you didn’t choose to come and you want me to say all these things?”
G: ” I had this important…”
I had similar conversations with a couple more people. And I’m thinking ‘what is happening here? People don’t turn up and then they want their absence to be felt? Why didn’t they take the trouble for their presence to be felt then? ‘
Again I get some feedback from one or two people that they weren’t given sufficient attention. Oh , hell.
And then today, I listened to this wonderful talk by Brene’ Brown on TEDxHouston on connectivity and wholeheartedness. And gained some insights.
People want to be connected. Connection is why we are here…and when a person is not acknowledged or missed or invited, there is a sense of unworthiness -that old ‘Im not good enough feeling’ arises .
Brown goes on to say that people who really have a sense of worthiness -people who feel they are worthy of being connected – have a strong sense of love and belonging ; are wholehearted about the way they live life; they are open to pain and joy and are therefore, vulnerable. They are authentic and are themselves.
In order for connection to happen, we have to allow ourselves to be seen — really seen.” ~ Brené Brown
And then I thought that my cousin G is open to saying what he feels instead of hiding it as most of us, including me, do most of the time.
We know how we feel more open with people who tell us their problems, their thoughts , their feelings in a ‘you-can’t-stop-me’ kind of way. We feel reassured; this person feels connected enough to me to open up.
But yet , its hard for many of us to open up and let things out. We don’t even acknowledge those niggling feelings to ourselves. But they are there. And its time to get in touch.